15 Thoughts I Had During My Company’s Open Enrollment Presentation

It’s that time of the year again. Companies are trotting out their HR department to give us the annual open enrollment presentation. It’s the time to take a look at all your benefits and make sure they fit all your needs. It’s also the time when most twenty-somethings are confused af. What does everything mean? Am I dying? Do I care? These are all the thoughts I had during mine:

1. Why isn’t there any food at this meeting?

2. I could really go for a muffin right at this very moment.

3. Wait, why am I not allowed on my parents’ insurance anymore? Did I magically turn into an orphan at 26?

4. I need to make a dentist appointment.

5. Why are all these options so confusing? Which one prevents me from dying?

6. I need to make a doctor’s appointment

7. Wow, I really don’t care about any of this.

8. I could go for a donut right at this very moment.

9. Why isn’t there any food at this meeting?

10. Why do I have to be subjected to the intimate details of my coworkers health insurance problems right now?

11. They’re talking about life insurance now. Have to write that will soon. Who should I give my Instagram password to?

12. Wait, do I need glasses? Warby Parker is cool.

13. This is taking forever and there’s no food.

14. I’m still not sure about anything I just heard.

15. I wonder if they can forward this entire presentation to my mother.

5 Reasons You Should Stop Flake Shaming Your Friends

Have you ever been so amped to attend an event with your friends and one of them decides to cancel on the plans? We end up feeling annoyed, inconvenienced or hurt that our friend is choosing not to spend time with us. Although I fully understand the feelings of betrayal, I am here to say that it is time to stop flake shaming. We are now adults with full lives and sometimes we can’t make it to everything, no matter what we said earlier.

DISCLAIMER: This doesn’t absolve the constant flakers. Learn to say no in the beginning. Other people are also planning their lives around these events. Consideration is key. I am the queen of denying invitations. It is okay to say no, because “No.” is a complete sentence. Accepting an invitation to something that you really don’t want to go to just to send a lame excuse when the date approaches is annoying. Do better.

Now that we have gotten the truly reprehensible flakers out of the equation, back to the issue at hand.

There can be a multitude of reasons why someone can’t make it out, and honestly no one really owes you an explanation. However when your friends text you in earnest to let you know they can’t make it and you proceed to guilt them, it sends a signal to them that you don’t care about them or their situation.Once someone believes you will never take no for an answer, they will always say “yes” to attending something with you and then drop out last minute because they can’t escape your pressuring ways, thus creating a flake cycle. So keep these potential reasons in mind before you get all shamey the next time a friend cancels on plans.

1. They don’t have any money

The economic anxiety of millennials is no joke. We are mostly underemployed and underpaid. Rent isn’t cheap and student loans are crippling us. And have you been paying attention to the price of avocados? Your event or gathering could have snuck up on your friend like a thief in the night on a non pay week. Don’t go around having the economic solutions of Paris Hilton. Be a little compassionate. Sometimes groceries are more important than your happy hour, JAN!

2. They hate the other people going

First of all, share your expected guest list in the beginning, it will save a lot of heartache. Second, stop inviting people that hate each other to your gatherings and expecting everyone to get along because you want them to. Yes, cordiality and civility are nice and go a long way but let’s save putting arch enemies together until really important mandatory life events. Mimosas and bad blood don’t mix. And honestly, you should probably thank the flake friend, because the inevitable drama would probably put a damper on everything.

3. They are in a different mental space

Why would anyone believe that I was serious about going hiking? Especially, when it was said at a happy hour? That’s your fault for believing the ramblings of a drunkard. You have only yourself to blame. Seriously, there are times when we commit to plans and then when it’s time to go, we can’t even fathom why we would ever agree to participate in such a thing. These ones are the hardest to accept, but do it. Your friend was younger and full of life when they said they would go with you to the museum. This isn’t the case anymore and it’s okay.

4. They are tired 

Living is exhausting sometimes. Let people rest. The end.

5. They are sad

This one is very important, and could manifest itself as any of the other reasons listed. People are going through real life struggles — sometimes silently and sometimes out loud. You might not know it, but shaming people for not being able to make it to your event can deepen their sadness. It’s hard to get out of a rut, it’s even harder to do it while people are ignoring the deep hole you are in. So consider this one the most before you go over the deep end and make someone feel bad for not being able to make it to your second BBQ of the season.

If you really want to spend time with your “flake” friend go to them, do something free, make them feel like they aren’t just another body at a party. Flakes of the world, try to do better with other people’s time. Your friends want you around them because they want  to share these experiences with you.  Wherever you do fall in the scenario, let’s just treat each other better.

The Best Instagram Captions from Scorpion

We’ve all been waiting for it and it’s finally here! Aubrey Drake Graham dropped his long awaited album, Scorpion, a project with 25 songs. Our body is ready. It’s officially summer and we’ve all pulled out our best thotfits (gender neutral because Fashion Nova also caters to the fellas) and all of our summer moves are planned. We are in peak Instagram atmosphere. Drake, father of Instagram captions has blessed us once more. Whether Champagne Papi’s hits put you in your bag or your feelings, we got you! We now have so much more material, maybe everyone can stop talking about the love they have for just their bed and their mama.

The QLC Squad has done the necessary hard work and pulled together a list of 50 possible Instagram worthy captions from Scorpion. We split up our list so you can be prepared with 25 lines for when you are in your bag or in your feelings. Go forth and prosper!

In Your Bag

“Always got a ace up my sleeve for whatever was dealt” Survival

“I just flipped a switch” Nonstop

“Pulling back the curtain by myself, take a look” Nonstop

“Something wrong with ’em, got ’em all bitter” Nonstop

“My mood is changing this summer I’ma be tweakin” Elevate

“If you need me, you can’t call me, I stay busy making’ money” Elevate

“Not the type that likes to take things slowly” Elevate

“I see the future when I get wavy” Elevate

“My Mount Rushmore is me with four different expressions” Survival

“I wanna thank God for workin’ way harder than Satan. He’s playin’ favorites, it feels amazing” Elevate

“But I’m blessed, I just checked” I’m Upset

“I got a whole ‘nother level that I can tap into” 8 out of 10

“Twenty-nine is coming, they on edge when I cook” Mob Ties (perfect for anyone turning 29 soon!)

“I’m the chosen one, flowers never pick themselves” Sandra’s Rose

“High school pics, you was even bad then” Nice For What (save this one for a tbt)

“Drink ’til the sun up. Grind ’til you come up. Work all winter, shine all summer” That’s How You Feel

“What a time this is. To be alive for this shit” Blue Tint

“[Insert Your Name Here], do you love me? Are you riding?” In My Feelings

“Fuck that Netflix and chill—what’s your net worth?” In My Feelings

“Look the new me is really still the real me” In My Feelings

“They gotta make some choices they runnin’ out of options. ‘Cause I’ve been goin’ off and they don’t know when it’s stopping” In My Feelings

“Put your phone down, you’re gonna need two hands” After Dark

“Get the vibe right, get your mind right” After Dark

“I need it nasty like, like Evil Angel, like Vivid” Final Fantasy

“Bein’ honest, I don’t really know what patience is” Final Fantasy

In Your Feelings

“Prayed, then I prayed again, Had a moment but it came and went” Nonstop

“I been movin’ calm, don’t start no trouble with me. Tryna keep it peaceful is a struggle for me” God’s Plan

“Don’t tell me how you knew it would be like this all along. I know the truth is you won’t love me until I’m gone.” Emotionless

“There’s times when I wish I was where I was. Back when I used to wish I was here” Emotionless

All these followers but who gon’ follow me to the end, I guess I’ll make it to the end and I’ma find out then. Emotionless

“You know a wise man once said nothing at all” Emotionless

“They keep tryna get me for my soul” I’m Upset

“Hate me, never met me in the flesh” I’m Upset

“I’ve never been the type to make amends” 8 out of 10

“Never a matter of could I? or should I?” 8 out of 10

“Heard all of the talkin’, now it’s quiet, now it’s shush” Mob Ties

“It’s too late for all that lovey-dovey shit” Mob Ties

“Hire some help, get rid of these niggas” Mob Ties

“I be out here on my own. I’m just tryna set the tone” Can’t Take A Joke

“You know when it comes to pride, I can’t put that shit aside” Can’t Take A Joke

“I’ve been kicked when I was down. None of that shit matter now” Can’t Take A Joke

“Life too short, I gotta get it ‘fore they blow the whistle” Sandra’s Rose

‘I don’t know who’s protecting me but we hit it off” Sandra’s Rose

“I would rather have you remember me how we met” Is There More

“I’m in control of my destiny, never in doubt. If I can’t make it with you, I’ll make it without” Is There More

“Is there more to life than just when I’m feelin’ alive?” Is There More

“You say I led you on, but you followed me” Summer Games

“That’s not the way to get over me” Don’t Matter To Me

“Do anything, but just don’t lie to me.” After Dark

“I promise if I’m not dead then I’m dedicated” March 14

The Art of the Thirst Trap

By Gyna L. 

According to Urban Dictionary, a thirst trap is “A sexy photograph or flirty message posted on social media for the intent of causing others to publicly profess their attraction. This is done not to actually respond or satisfy any of this attraction, but to feed the posters ego or need for attention.” Seems simple enough but the true art of the thirst trap has to be mastered over time. Here are six steps you can follow for the perfect thirst trap that will get those likes poppin on the ‘gram.

1. The newest iPhone

A good quality photo almost always does better than a pixelated photo. Portrait mode on the iPhone X > iPhone 6S

2. Location

Although usually taken in a mirror, the best thirst traps are taken on a beach, on vacation, sitting poolside or in a park. Somewhere with great lighting and good scenery. If you are taking the classic mirror selfie, make sure your room is at least clean or the mirror doesn’t have toothpaste stains on it. Not Cute.

3. Find your sexiest quality

Take your sexiest quality and make it the main focus in your picture. You’re always your biggest critic so if you think it’s hot, it must be hot!

4. Find the best angle

That’s an obvious one! Angles are your friend. Choose your “best angle” and hold on to it like Ariana Grande holds on to ponytails and side profile only poses.

5. Perfect the smize (smiling with your eyes)

A smile and a thirst trap don’t really go hand and hand (too cookie cutter) but you don’t want to look like you’re miserable either. A good smize will go a long way in the thirst trap, so go ahead and get your Tyra Banks on.

6. Snap Away!!!

When I’m trying to get that perfect thirst trap I usually take between 15-30 photos. The slightest change in posture or pose can make all the difference.  If you want to elevate your thirst trap, have someone take the picture for you. When I have someone playing photographer they are usually ready to throw my phone on the concrete by the end, so make sure the person is patient. It makes it more fun when your friend/random stranger is really into it and is treating it like a Vogue photo shoot.  “Yasss girl, get it!”

7 Songs to Get You Out of Your QLC Slump

Whether you need to dance it out or ugly cry, these songs are the go-to for getting out of your feelings and on with your life.

1. Survivor – Destiny’s Child

Coming in hot with this classic. The second the music starts on this one, you have no choice but to feel like you’re going to make it. This song is the greatest, “Bitch, you thought!” song in modern history. But to be clear, we are still working on our petty so we are def still going to diss you on the internet. Sorry mama!

2. The Climb – Miley Cyrus

There is no motivational playlist without The Climb. You’re welcome.

3. The Dog Days Are Over – Florence and the Machine

Get up and dance! This song is a perfect stress reliever because it gets you up out of your seat dancing like a 16 year old white girl from an 80s John Hughes movie. It’s just that good.

4. Unwritten – Natasha Bedingfield

One of the worst parts of going through the quarter life crisis is thinking that it’s too late for you to change your life around. Natasha reminds us that turning the current page only leads to a blank one. You have so much life ahead of you. THE REST IS STILL UNWRITTEN! (Also how can you not be inspired by a black choir in a pop song? That’s what they are there for.)

5. Fly – Nicki Minaj feat. Rihanna

Ok, Fly does not get the love that it deserves, but I am here to tell you that this song will pull you up by your boot straps and have you ready to meet every single one of your goals. It is epic. Nicki Minaj and Rihanna made an inspirational bop for the girls and I am so here for it.

6. Through the Rain – Mariah Carey

Sometimes you need to belt out a ballad and get your ugly cry on. This song is ugly cry approved. The message is inspiring and the emotions are raw. So slap on your hip hugger jeans, place that butterfly clip in your hair and take on the world.

7. Hold On – Good Charlotte

If you are currently residing in the QLC then I know for a fact that you are aware of the spectacular emo-pop hits of the early 00s. You also know that Hold On is one of the best of the genre. This song is sure to stoke your nostalgia flames and also pull you out the rut of the moment.