5 Reasons You Should Stop Flake Shaming Your Friends

Have you ever been so amped to attend an event with your friends and one of them decides to cancel on the plans? We end up feeling annoyed, inconvenienced or hurt that our friend is choosing not to spend time with us. Although I fully understand the feelings of betrayal, I am here to say that it is time to stop flake shaming. We are now adults with full lives and sometimes we can’t make it to everything, no matter what we said earlier.

DISCLAIMER: This doesn’t absolve the constant flakers. Learn to say no in the beginning. Other people are also planning their lives around these events. Consideration is key. I am the queen of denying invitations. It is okay to say no, because “No.” is a complete sentence. Accepting an invitation to something that you really don’t want to go to just to send a lame excuse when the date approaches is annoying. Do better.

Now that we have gotten the truly reprehensible flakers out of the equation, back to the issue at hand.

There can be a multitude of reasons why someone can’t make it out, and honestly no one really owes you an explanation. However when your friends text you in earnest to let you know they can’t make it and you proceed to guilt them, it sends a signal to them that you don’t care about them or their situation.Once someone believes you will never take no for an answer, they will always say “yes” to attending something with you and then drop out last minute because they can’t escape your pressuring ways, thus creating a flake cycle. So keep these potential reasons in mind before you get all shamey the next time a friend cancels on plans.

1. They don’t have any money

The economic anxiety of millennials is no joke. We are mostly underemployed and underpaid. Rent isn’t cheap and student loans are crippling us. And have you been paying attention to the price of avocados? Your event or gathering could have snuck up on your friend like a thief in the night on a non pay week. Don’t go around having the economic solutions of Paris Hilton. Be a little compassionate. Sometimes groceries are more important than your happy hour, JAN!

2. They hate the other people going

First of all, share your expected guest list in the beginning, it will save a lot of heartache. Second, stop inviting people that hate each other to your gatherings and expecting everyone to get along because you want them to. Yes, cordiality and civility are nice and go a long way but let’s save putting arch enemies together until really important mandatory life events. Mimosas and bad blood don’t mix. And honestly, you should probably thank the flake friend, because the inevitable drama would probably put a damper on everything.

3. They are in a different mental space

Why would anyone believe that I was serious about going hiking? Especially, when it was said at a happy hour? That’s your fault for believing the ramblings of a drunkard. You have only yourself to blame. Seriously, there are times when we commit to plans and then when it’s time to go, we can’t even fathom why we would ever agree to participate in such a thing. These ones are the hardest to accept, but do it. Your friend was younger and full of life when they said they would go with you to the museum. This isn’t the case anymore and it’s okay.

4. They are tired 

Living is exhausting sometimes. Let people rest. The end.

5. They are sad

This one is very important, and could manifest itself as any of the other reasons listed. People are going through real life struggles — sometimes silently and sometimes out loud. You might not know it, but shaming people for not being able to make it to your event can deepen their sadness. It’s hard to get out of a rut, it’s even harder to do it while people are ignoring the deep hole you are in. So consider this one the most before you go over the deep end and make someone feel bad for not being able to make it to your second BBQ of the season.

If you really want to spend time with your “flake” friend go to them, do something free, make them feel like they aren’t just another body at a party. Flakes of the world, try to do better with other people’s time. Your friends want you around them because they want  to share these experiences with you.  Wherever you do fall in the scenario, let’s just treat each other better.

Millennials & Mimosas: Del Frisco’s Stamford

What’s better than brunch? Brunching for a cause! This is a special edition of Millennials & Mimosas. Our friend (and member of the QLC Squad) Gina hosted a private brunch to benefit her awesome work for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (Click here for more info or to donate). It was a special occasion, but brunch is brunch, and your fave Mimosa Millennials are always ready to review (read: judge).

Del Frisco’s Stamford

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Quick Deets: Saturday Brunch hours are 10am – 4:30pm, Menu here

Food

G: Before the event, I made sure to ask Gina about the menu. I needed to know if what was served at this brunch would be the same as the usual offerings. It was in fact a special menu and the only item that matched up to their regular brunch was the Scrambled Egg Tacos. Skip that if you ever decide to come here. But the appetizers were a hit. Ahi Tacos and Philly Cheesesteak Egg Rolls were amazing (and can be found on their dinner apps menu). All in all, I was very satisfied with the food.

V: TBH I underestimated Stamford traffic (which was ok because my Uber driver was very cute) and missed the food. After saying hi to friends that were there on time,  including a somewhat angry Goch who had arrived early as compared to my 90 minutes of lateness (sorry again Goch, hugs and kisses) I realized I would not be partaking in the buffet line. A buffet was a great idea so folks could get eating out of the way and focus on the hours of unlimited drinks for a good cause (a combination that is unparalleled, am I right?). After a few minutes of not-so-subtle flirting with the waiter, we were brought a special plate of the philly cheese egg rolls everyone was raving about *VIP Treatment* and they did not disappoint. After inhaling them, I started to catch up on my mimosa intake.

Drinks

G: I don’t play around with my bottomless brunches. Gina told me it was 4 hours and it started at 1pm, so that’s when I arrived. I immediately got my glass of vitamin c packed goodness and the waiters made sure to keep them coming. I was very satisfied for the 3.5 hours of our 4 hours of unlimited drink time. What about the other 30 minutes, you ask? Vinnie is not going to tell you this but, they ran out of champagne. And then started to make weird mimosas with orange juice and CHARDONNAY… I was disgusted! I also had 2. Once I realized I didn’t have to subject myself to the orange juice part of this, I switched to regular wine. I’m sure if you went there on a regular brunch day they wouldn’t run out of champagne. But I feel like it is my duty to report to the people that this is a possibility.

V: I mean, it’s kinda unfair to compare this to a regular brunch because it was a special event that included 4 HOURS OF BOTTOMLESS. When we saw that on the invite we had to actually ask the group chat if it was a trick. It was no trick, friends. I also appreciated that the wait staff could tell I was late and very anxious about missing out on the first 90 minutes of this gift from the heavens and stayed close to keep the glasses filled (as we know, the most important part of this experience). After the event we also did some shots at the bar (remember, all for a good cause of course) and they did not disappoint either.

G: See I told you he wouldn’t mention it!

 

Vibes

G: I enjoyed my time here because I was with awesome friends for a great cause. I can tell that this place doesn’t get a lot of brunch business, but if you are ever looking for some good drinks and chill vibes in Stamford, I think this place will do just fine.

V: Obviously for this event it was great because we were all there for a great time and the same reason. It’s hard to tell if there is usually a fun crowd at brunch or not since we took over the entire place (guess that is a reason to go back, am I right??). The set up is a large open dining room that definitely looks like a great place to grab dinner after work (let’s not forget Stamford’s motto is the “City that Works” so their happy hour and dinner scene is typically an awesome place to unwind from work or find a new bae). I would definitely want to go back and see the true vibe (*hint* someone ask me on a date) .

After the brunch it’s the after party.

It’s now between 12:30 and 6pm, you and the crew are saucy and looking for where to go to keep the party rocking. Stamford may not have the variety of options for after brunch that NYC has but these places still will not disappoint:

  • Sign of the Whale- multiple floors including a roof deck. Sometimes they have a DJ and other times live music. Not in walking distance to Del Frisco’s but worth the Uber ride to be down in that area
  • Tigin Irish Pub- Traditional Irish Pub that is across the street. Great spot to keep the drinking going!
  • Hudson Grille- This is one of the staple late night spots in Stamford but usually is not too packed during the day. You could go there after brunch to transition into a night of debauchery or have one last (six) more drinks before going home.

Millennials & Mimosas: Essex

Brunch can be so many things for the millennial. It’s the best way to end a tough week. It’s the best way to get your drink on before the sun goes down. And, it’s the best way to connect with friends you don’t see as much as you wish you did.

Have you ever wondered where to go, what to order and what the scene is like? Well, Life in the QLC brings you a brunch review series meant to give you the best and worst of our brunch experiences. We care about how good the drinks are and if the vibe has us so hyped we forget it’s barely noon. And yes, sometimes the eggs benedict is important too.

Meet your Mimosa Millennials

Goch: I am my best person when I am at brunch. It’s honestly my favorite thing to do. There’s something about champagne and eggs with your best friends that makes me incredibly happy. I’m not a picky eater, and usually go with whatever food item on the menu has an up charge (hello, steak and eggs). I enjoy brunches with loud music and cool people.

Vinnie: What’s most important to me at brunch is how quickly my glass is filled up and how much fun I can squeeze into a 2 hour time slot from the first pour. You can have the best eggs benedict in town but if i can see the bottom of my bottomless mimosa glass or the vibe is wack, we’ve got an issue. Also – what are we doing after the check comes because, it’s still sunny out and we need to meet up with everyone else. 

Essex

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Quick Deets: Saturday Brunch hours are 10am – 4:30pm, choice of entree + unlimited bloody marys, screwdrivers & mimosas $34.95, 1.5 hour limit for reservations before 3pm, 2 hours after 3pm. Reservations go fast! 

Food

G: Ok seriously, is chicken fried steak, chicken or steak? That’s the question I asked before I ordered and honestly I’m still not sure I know. This dish came with a biscuit, it was mediocre. Actually the entire dish was very mediocre. But I wasn’t in the foodie vibe so I did not mind this. It provided the carbs necessary to not be black out by 1pm. Sometimes, that’s all you can ask for.

V: Wait, did I eat? I was very focused on the fact that Goch made our reservation for 11am instead of the standard 1pm that would give me time to be a real human. I panicked when the waitress asked and went with the grilled shrimp and avocado salad which I was not excited about- but then it came and was perfect ❤ Light enough that I could fit a few more mimosas than expected but yummy enough that I remembered it after all the champs.

Drinks

G: You know why I’m here. And so did our waitress, because she didn’t even ask if we wanted to participate in the bottomless brunch special. She just asked mimosa, screwdriver, or bloody mary. I obviously went with the mimosa because I am a classy bitch. The mimosas started off as very bubbly or as I like to call them “light-skin” but as our hour and a half continued I could tell that the vitamin C started overtaking the drinks. Essex has pre-made pitchers of mimosas that they go to each table to refill. I wasn’t really feeling that method but I guess they were going for efficiency. I ended my last 15 minutes with screwdrivers which may not have been the best idea, but who among us can truly judge? All in all, I never saw the bottom of my glass, so Essex passed this test.

V: I may have had heart failure when we learned that bottomless was for 1.5 hours as opposed to the customary 2 hours. BUT, the waitress was very great at making sure all 90 minutes counted. I stick with mimosas the entire time but the bachelor party bros next to us seemed to love the bloodys as well. I got a Manhattan at the bar afterwards as well but to be honest, I couldn’t tell you much about how it tasted or much of what happened the next hour or so. Guess we’ll need to go back to try it again.

Vibes

G: Our reservation was for 11am which is honestly a ridiculous time to get to a restaurant for a day of binge drinking, but it also means that this restaurant is a popular destination for the brunch crowd. When I walked in I begged our waitress to not sit us in the area by the door because I’ve been to Essex before,  and sitting there means you and the crowd waiting to be seated are one. We were eventually seated in one of the balcony areas. Our waitress was great and the vibe was standard. Nothing spectacular, but what can you expect at noon? After the allotted brunch time ended our waitress sent us on our way with one more glass of mimosa/screwdriver and told us that we could hang out by the bar. This was fun for a total of 5 minutes, then it became an awkward time of balancing drinks and making way for others to get by.

V: On. Point. The aesthetic is simple with lots of natural light and white walls that make you happy to be alive and brunching. Sitting up top on one of the 2 balcony areas gives you a little more seclusion to spill the tea with your friends while still scoping out after brunch date potentials. I liked that after our brunch was over some people that finished and some that were waiting to be seated all gathered around the bar to keep or get the party going. Music bumped throughout as well, more so as background music than something that took over the vibe.

After the brunch it’s the after party.

It’s now between 12:30 and 6pm, you and the crew are saucy and looking for where to go to keep the party rocking. These are your best bets.

  • Sons of Essex – For proximity to Essex and awesome music
  • Mr. Purple – For bougie vibes and Instagram pics
  • Hair of the Dog – For fratty vibes and cheap beer

*Extra perk – The graffiti wall in front of the restaurant is a prime location for THE best post brunch photo-shoots.