15 Thoughts I Had During My Company’s Open Enrollment Presentation

It’s that time of the year again. Companies are trotting out their HR department to give us the annual open enrollment presentation. It’s the time to take a look at all your benefits and make sure they fit all your needs. It’s also the time when most twenty-somethings are confused af. What does everything mean? Am I dying? Do I care? These are all the thoughts I had during mine:

1. Why isn’t there any food at this meeting?

2. I could really go for a muffin right at this very moment.

3. Wait, why am I not allowed on my parents’ insurance anymore? Did I magically turn into an orphan at 26?

4. I need to make a dentist appointment.

5. Why are all these options so confusing? Which one prevents me from dying?

6. I need to make a doctor’s appointment

7. Wow, I really don’t care about any of this.

8. I could go for a donut right at this very moment.

9. Why isn’t there any food at this meeting?

10. Why do I have to be subjected to the intimate details of my coworkers health insurance problems right now?

11. They’re talking about life insurance now. Have to write that will soon. Who should I give my Instagram password to?

12. Wait, do I need glasses? Warby Parker is cool.

13. This is taking forever and there’s no food.

14. I’m still not sure about anything I just heard.

15. I wonder if they can forward this entire presentation to my mother.

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5 Reasons You Should Stop Flake Shaming Your Friends

Have you ever been so amped to attend an event with your friends and one of them decides to cancel on the plans? We end up feeling annoyed, inconvenienced or hurt that our friend is choosing not to spend time with us. Although I fully understand the feelings of betrayal, I am here to say that it is time to stop flake shaming. We are now adults with full lives and sometimes we can’t make it to everything, no matter what we said earlier.

DISCLAIMER: This doesn’t absolve the constant flakers. Learn to say no in the beginning. Other people are also planning their lives around these events. Consideration is key. I am the queen of denying invitations. It is okay to say no, because “No.” is a complete sentence. Accepting an invitation to something that you really don’t want to go to just to send a lame excuse when the date approaches is annoying. Do better.

Now that we have gotten the truly reprehensible flakers out of the equation, back to the issue at hand.

There can be a multitude of reasons why someone can’t make it out, and honestly no one really owes you an explanation. However when your friends text you in earnest to let you know they can’t make it and you proceed to guilt them, it sends a signal to them that you don’t care about them or their situation.Once someone believes you will never take no for an answer, they will always say “yes” to attending something with you and then drop out last minute because they can’t escape your pressuring ways, thus creating a flake cycle. So keep these potential reasons in mind before you get all shamey the next time a friend cancels on plans.

1. They don’t have any money

The economic anxiety of millennials is no joke. We are mostly underemployed and underpaid. Rent isn’t cheap and student loans are crippling us. And have you been paying attention to the price of avocados? Your event or gathering could have snuck up on your friend like a thief in the night on a non pay week. Don’t go around having the economic solutions of Paris Hilton. Be a little compassionate. Sometimes groceries are more important than your happy hour, JAN!

2. They hate the other people going

First of all, share your expected guest list in the beginning, it will save a lot of heartache. Second, stop inviting people that hate each other to your gatherings and expecting everyone to get along because you want them to. Yes, cordiality and civility are nice and go a long way but let’s save putting arch enemies together until really important mandatory life events. Mimosas and bad blood don’t mix. And honestly, you should probably thank the flake friend, because the inevitable drama would probably put a damper on everything.

3. They are in a different mental space

Why would anyone believe that I was serious about going hiking? Especially, when it was said at a happy hour? That’s your fault for believing the ramblings of a drunkard. You have only yourself to blame. Seriously, there are times when we commit to plans and then when it’s time to go, we can’t even fathom why we would ever agree to participate in such a thing. These ones are the hardest to accept, but do it. Your friend was younger and full of life when they said they would go with you to the museum. This isn’t the case anymore and it’s okay.

4. They are tired 

Living is exhausting sometimes. Let people rest. The end.

5. They are sad

This one is very important, and could manifest itself as any of the other reasons listed. People are going through real life struggles — sometimes silently and sometimes out loud. You might not know it, but shaming people for not being able to make it to your event can deepen their sadness. It’s hard to get out of a rut, it’s even harder to do it while people are ignoring the deep hole you are in. So consider this one the most before you go over the deep end and make someone feel bad for not being able to make it to your second BBQ of the season.

If you really want to spend time with your “flake” friend go to them, do something free, make them feel like they aren’t just another body at a party. Flakes of the world, try to do better with other people’s time. Your friends want you around them because they want  to share these experiences with you.  Wherever you do fall in the scenario, let’s just treat each other better.

The Best Instagram Captions from Scorpion

We’ve all been waiting for it and it’s finally here! Aubrey Drake Graham dropped his long awaited album, Scorpion, a project with 25 songs. Our body is ready. It’s officially summer and we’ve all pulled out our best thotfits (gender neutral because Fashion Nova also caters to the fellas) and all of our summer moves are planned. We are in peak Instagram atmosphere. Drake, father of Instagram captions has blessed us once more. Whether Champagne Papi’s hits put you in your bag or your feelings, we got you! We now have so much more material, maybe everyone can stop talking about the love they have for just their bed and their mama.

The QLC Squad has done the necessary hard work and pulled together a list of 50 possible Instagram worthy captions from Scorpion. We split up our list so you can be prepared with 25 lines for when you are in your bag or in your feelings. Go forth and prosper!

In Your Bag

“Always got a ace up my sleeve for whatever was dealt” Survival

“I just flipped a switch” Nonstop

“Pulling back the curtain by myself, take a look” Nonstop

“Something wrong with ’em, got ’em all bitter” Nonstop

“My mood is changing this summer I’ma be tweakin” Elevate

“If you need me, you can’t call me, I stay busy making’ money” Elevate

“Not the type that likes to take things slowly” Elevate

“I see the future when I get wavy” Elevate

“My Mount Rushmore is me with four different expressions” Survival

“I wanna thank God for workin’ way harder than Satan. He’s playin’ favorites, it feels amazing” Elevate

“But I’m blessed, I just checked” I’m Upset

“I got a whole ‘nother level that I can tap into” 8 out of 10

“Twenty-nine is coming, they on edge when I cook” Mob Ties (perfect for anyone turning 29 soon!)

“I’m the chosen one, flowers never pick themselves” Sandra’s Rose

“High school pics, you was even bad then” Nice For What (save this one for a tbt)

“Drink ’til the sun up. Grind ’til you come up. Work all winter, shine all summer” That’s How You Feel

“What a time this is. To be alive for this shit” Blue Tint

“[Insert Your Name Here], do you love me? Are you riding?” In My Feelings

“Fuck that Netflix and chill—what’s your net worth?” In My Feelings

“Look the new me is really still the real me” In My Feelings

“They gotta make some choices they runnin’ out of options. ‘Cause I’ve been goin’ off and they don’t know when it’s stopping” In My Feelings

“Put your phone down, you’re gonna need two hands” After Dark

“Get the vibe right, get your mind right” After Dark

“I need it nasty like, like Evil Angel, like Vivid” Final Fantasy

“Bein’ honest, I don’t really know what patience is” Final Fantasy

In Your Feelings

“Prayed, then I prayed again, Had a moment but it came and went” Nonstop

“I been movin’ calm, don’t start no trouble with me. Tryna keep it peaceful is a struggle for me” God’s Plan

“Don’t tell me how you knew it would be like this all along. I know the truth is you won’t love me until I’m gone.” Emotionless

“There’s times when I wish I was where I was. Back when I used to wish I was here” Emotionless

All these followers but who gon’ follow me to the end, I guess I’ll make it to the end and I’ma find out then. Emotionless

“You know a wise man once said nothing at all” Emotionless

“They keep tryna get me for my soul” I’m Upset

“Hate me, never met me in the flesh” I’m Upset

“I’ve never been the type to make amends” 8 out of 10

“Never a matter of could I? or should I?” 8 out of 10

“Heard all of the talkin’, now it’s quiet, now it’s shush” Mob Ties

“It’s too late for all that lovey-dovey shit” Mob Ties

“Hire some help, get rid of these niggas” Mob Ties

“I be out here on my own. I’m just tryna set the tone” Can’t Take A Joke

“You know when it comes to pride, I can’t put that shit aside” Can’t Take A Joke

“I’ve been kicked when I was down. None of that shit matter now” Can’t Take A Joke

“Life too short, I gotta get it ‘fore they blow the whistle” Sandra’s Rose

‘I don’t know who’s protecting me but we hit it off” Sandra’s Rose

“I would rather have you remember me how we met” Is There More

“I’m in control of my destiny, never in doubt. If I can’t make it with you, I’ll make it without” Is There More

“Is there more to life than just when I’m feelin’ alive?” Is There More

“You say I led you on, but you followed me” Summer Games

“That’s not the way to get over me” Don’t Matter To Me

“Do anything, but just don’t lie to me.” After Dark

“I promise if I’m not dead then I’m dedicated” March 14

The Art of the Thirst Trap

By Gyna L. 

According to Urban Dictionary, a thirst trap is “A sexy photograph or flirty message posted on social media for the intent of causing others to publicly profess their attraction. This is done not to actually respond or satisfy any of this attraction, but to feed the posters ego or need for attention.” Seems simple enough but the true art of the thirst trap has to be mastered over time. Here are six steps you can follow for the perfect thirst trap that will get those likes poppin on the ‘gram.

1. The newest iPhone

A good quality photo almost always does better than a pixelated photo. Portrait mode on the iPhone X > iPhone 6S

2. Location

Although usually taken in a mirror, the best thirst traps are taken on a beach, on vacation, sitting poolside or in a park. Somewhere with great lighting and good scenery. If you are taking the classic mirror selfie, make sure your room is at least clean or the mirror doesn’t have toothpaste stains on it. Not Cute.

3. Find your sexiest quality

Take your sexiest quality and make it the main focus in your picture. You’re always your biggest critic so if you think it’s hot, it must be hot!

4. Find the best angle

That’s an obvious one! Angles are your friend. Choose your “best angle” and hold on to it like Ariana Grande holds on to ponytails and side profile only poses.

5. Perfect the smize (smiling with your eyes)

A smile and a thirst trap don’t really go hand and hand (too cookie cutter) but you don’t want to look like you’re miserable either. A good smize will go a long way in the thirst trap, so go ahead and get your Tyra Banks on.

6. Snap Away!!!

When I’m trying to get that perfect thirst trap I usually take between 15-30 photos. The slightest change in posture or pose can make all the difference.  If you want to elevate your thirst trap, have someone take the picture for you. When I have someone playing photographer they are usually ready to throw my phone on the concrete by the end, so make sure the person is patient. It makes it more fun when your friend/random stranger is really into it and is treating it like a Vogue photo shoot.  “Yasss girl, get it!”

Millennials & Mimosas: Essex

Brunch can be so many things for the millennial. It’s the best way to end a tough week. It’s the best way to get your drink on before the sun goes down. And, it’s the best way to connect with friends you don’t see as much as you wish you did.

Have you ever wondered where to go, what to order and what the scene is like? Well, Life in the QLC brings you a brunch review series meant to give you the best and worst of our brunch experiences. We care about how good the drinks are and if the vibe has us so hyped we forget it’s barely noon. And yes, sometimes the eggs benedict is important too.

Meet your Mimosa Millennials

Goch: I am my best person when I am at brunch. It’s honestly my favorite thing to do. There’s something about champagne and eggs with your best friends that makes me incredibly happy. I’m not a picky eater, and usually go with whatever food item on the menu has an up charge (hello, steak and eggs). I enjoy brunches with loud music and cool people.

Vinnie: What’s most important to me at brunch is how quickly my glass is filled up and how much fun I can squeeze into a 2 hour time slot from the first pour. You can have the best eggs benedict in town but if i can see the bottom of my bottomless mimosa glass or the vibe is wack, we’ve got an issue. Also – what are we doing after the check comes because, it’s still sunny out and we need to meet up with everyone else. 

Essex

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Quick Deets: Saturday Brunch hours are 10am – 4:30pm, choice of entree + unlimited bloody marys, screwdrivers & mimosas $34.95, 1.5 hour limit for reservations before 3pm, 2 hours after 3pm. Reservations go fast! 

Food

G: Ok seriously, is chicken fried steak, chicken or steak? That’s the question I asked before I ordered and honestly I’m still not sure I know. This dish came with a biscuit, it was mediocre. Actually the entire dish was very mediocre. But I wasn’t in the foodie vibe so I did not mind this. It provided the carbs necessary to not be black out by 1pm. Sometimes, that’s all you can ask for.

V: Wait, did I eat? I was very focused on the fact that Goch made our reservation for 11am instead of the standard 1pm that would give me time to be a real human. I panicked when the waitress asked and went with the grilled shrimp and avocado salad which I was not excited about- but then it came and was perfect ❤ Light enough that I could fit a few more mimosas than expected but yummy enough that I remembered it after all the champs.

Drinks

G: You know why I’m here. And so did our waitress, because she didn’t even ask if we wanted to participate in the bottomless brunch special. She just asked mimosa, screwdriver, or bloody mary. I obviously went with the mimosa because I am a classy bitch. The mimosas started off as very bubbly or as I like to call them “light-skin” but as our hour and a half continued I could tell that the vitamin C started overtaking the drinks. Essex has pre-made pitchers of mimosas that they go to each table to refill. I wasn’t really feeling that method but I guess they were going for efficiency. I ended my last 15 minutes with screwdrivers which may not have been the best idea, but who among us can truly judge? All in all, I never saw the bottom of my glass, so Essex passed this test.

V: I may have had heart failure when we learned that bottomless was for 1.5 hours as opposed to the customary 2 hours. BUT, the waitress was very great at making sure all 90 minutes counted. I stick with mimosas the entire time but the bachelor party bros next to us seemed to love the bloodys as well. I got a Manhattan at the bar afterwards as well but to be honest, I couldn’t tell you much about how it tasted or much of what happened the next hour or so. Guess we’ll need to go back to try it again.

Vibes

G: Our reservation was for 11am which is honestly a ridiculous time to get to a restaurant for a day of binge drinking, but it also means that this restaurant is a popular destination for the brunch crowd. When I walked in I begged our waitress to not sit us in the area by the door because I’ve been to Essex before,  and sitting there means you and the crowd waiting to be seated are one. We were eventually seated in one of the balcony areas. Our waitress was great and the vibe was standard. Nothing spectacular, but what can you expect at noon? After the allotted brunch time ended our waitress sent us on our way with one more glass of mimosa/screwdriver and told us that we could hang out by the bar. This was fun for a total of 5 minutes, then it became an awkward time of balancing drinks and making way for others to get by.

V: On. Point. The aesthetic is simple with lots of natural light and white walls that make you happy to be alive and brunching. Sitting up top on one of the 2 balcony areas gives you a little more seclusion to spill the tea with your friends while still scoping out after brunch date potentials. I liked that after our brunch was over some people that finished and some that were waiting to be seated all gathered around the bar to keep or get the party going. Music bumped throughout as well, more so as background music than something that took over the vibe.

After the brunch it’s the after party.

It’s now between 12:30 and 6pm, you and the crew are saucy and looking for where to go to keep the party rocking. These are your best bets.

  • Sons of Essex – For proximity to Essex and awesome music
  • Mr. Purple – For bougie vibes and Instagram pics
  • Hair of the Dog – For fratty vibes and cheap beer

*Extra perk – The graffiti wall in front of the restaurant is a prime location for THE best post brunch photo-shoots.